bold.beautiful

blythetansuee
18
chc.n337.choir
<3 super junior and rollingstones!

oh man
i wonder why is valentine's day so commercialised
why cant it be any day
why the special 14feb?
love shldnt be just stuck to one special day
everyday shld be a special day
and not just couples couples
friends, family
also considered as a relationship
so dont just take 14feb to be special
and frantically find someone to fall in love
so that 14feb u wont be deemed as single and lonely

most likely gg out with frens
single frens
to celebrate singlehood and how we love each other haha
sounds pathetic but its not dont worry haha
its just 14feb aka VALENTINE'S DAY

haha
why when a guy and girl is seemed close
deemed as a couple?
haha
i guess this kind of assumptions comes v naturally
prolly due to the non verbal cues
of each party ?
yeaaaa
haha
just nt ready yet
nt yet

one must realise that a heart can be really fragile
that one can be vulnerable
there are things that one will get upset or disappointed about
things where one just want to avoid
or wonder why is this happening to me?

how did i survive?
how did i tolerate?
sometimes i wish i had a time machine
and undo the past
im sure certain boundaries i would chose not to cross again
but now that it all happened
what should i do now?
how am i suppose to continue from here?
sometimes i just dont know
i just dont feel like facing this frenship issue
prolly coz of past exp
of knowing that no matter how hard i try
things just nv seem to change for the better
how sad is that man?
you make life tough
i have no idea how many countless time i feel so upset with ur presence ard
that i just want to avoid it
and countless time this frenship has went in circles
that just nv seem to stop
im v tired of it
because i dont know what to do and what im doing le
i just cant accept how much the efforts has went down the drain
the feeling sucks
just understand and dont be so blur
is simply nt just about u

thats why i found a new friend
haha
and love my old friends even more
prolly thats the positive thing from this friendship u have given me
^^
thks

when the old doesnt go, the new cant come!~
damn tired now haha
when soup spoon first
den CHINGAY!
suppppeerr chio and fun!
yea
with fammy and ben



today i understand how starting off your day with a
positive mindset
positive attitude
really changes the whole day at work
today morning really busy
but i really enjoyed cause accomplished a lot of things
frm injecting patient, wound dressing, last offices and just talk to patients
i guess the people we dont like will always be there
but just dont care lo haha
carefree
just do wats right for self and patients
yep

ok better study
tmr am again and study and chingay preview hopefully haha!
many things u cant change
many things u cant control
but i guess one thing u can change and control is yourself

i need a better way to make myself happy again man!

anws attachment today
mmm the environment for learning is not v good
i would say
but i guess i shallnt let that first impression
hinder me from fully engaging in learning
ready to get scolded
ready to get ignored
i just do what im suppose to do
and for the patients too
just pray i wont go back there
haha oops

went to study
went ps
im tired
tmr am shift haha
thk God i stay near by

and during my holidays shall rmb to give my rm a new make over!
i really want my own rm sia
sadded!

PS: thks LOADS mr nice widdle boy
i really appreciate !~

off to be more organised and eat chocolate
yesterday

im 19
suddenly wanna get attached
>.<
haha

will blog tonite
abt CNY haha!
i think the point is to make us despair
to see ourselves as ugly
to reject the possibility that God will love
quoted from The exorcist

dont underestimate the power of the devil and God
devil is very real
but God is even more real
actually devil is really stupid
the power way he is able to control us
is using our weaknesses against us
making us feeling unworthy and powerless
but actual in fact we have power, potential for good, for great things
just that he manipulate facts, jumble them up to confuse us
making us think that the wrong is right and the right is wrong
take charge of our own life
dont let things get you down

awns The exorcist isnt really that scary
and i realised the exorcisim portion the girl vomit out greenish stuff
it was in i tink scary movie or some parody show la aha
i laugh when i saw that part
oh wells
wanna watch V and amityville


happy CNY
ang pow ang pow
fish! my stomach aches like hell
not coz need to shit
or because hungry
hurts coz i keep on vomitting
even when theres nth to puke...stomach jerk too hard too much le
sadded
*faints*
I HATE MY GREATEST INSECURITY
today was the last day of attachment at IMH
SADDEDDDD
seriously
cant bear to leave man!
will miss my patients!!
;[

and 2wks gone
exams are approaching!
STUDY!!!!
wheres my time TIME TIME!!!
urgh

haha
im freaking bored!!!!
keel me haha
apologise got loads of cam-whore pictures haha!
today had sucha a GOOODDDD day! haha
seriously im gonna miss working at IMH
not only coz slacker den normal wards
but i seriously loveeeeee interacting with the patients!
difficult they may be at times, and irritating at times
i seriously loveee them all!!
coz all vvv sweet at the end of the day la
today more interesting coz had a crisis..was quite bad la haha
and had thai massage and learnt a little haha
had loads of fun laughing with the patients before bed time
that time simply pass TOOOOO fast!
;[
sadded
cant believe tmr is the last dayyy
SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
;[

nowadays i dont bother putting concealer and powder le
just expose my pimples
I WANT THEM TO HEALLL!!!!
urgh
only and MUST put eyeliner!!!
^^
yeaaaa



haha
must really thank two person
today
in the morning for making my day ^^
one is a child that i saw on my way up
haha
so cutee
haha and random
when i enter the lift he said hi haha
so kawaii la the child haha

and second is the ever so random lee benjamin
haha
haha
seriously made my day with his randomness
and drama mama ness
haha

loved
gg for work soon
cant believe is the LAST TWO DAYSSSSSSS
wth
im feeling sadded le
will miss all of them
*sobs*
as cliche as it sounds like
LOVE IS LIKE OXYGEN [rmb moulin rouge]
it is something that everyone needs it
be it young, middle age, or old
the smart the fool
the withdrawn the attention seeker
the invisible
the ppl who are normal
the sick the well
basically EVERYONE that are living [include animals and plants]
LOVE is very powerful
LOVE is very essential

just like to a child when u speak and act out LOVE to them, a child will be able to grow normally and feel they are accepted
jst like to an elderly nearing a passing on age, they love it when family friends to be near them coz there is LOVE..
just like to a sick person, we give care to them is our way of telling them they are LOVED despite their weakness
just like to a mentally sick person, when we tell them I LOVE YOU or give them ur attention to understand them...no matter how mentally ill they are they know they are LOVED
even to plants and animals haha...my cat always meow back when i say i love her haha!

thing is many ppl avoid LOVE...showing LOVE..or selectively showing love
LOVE is like OXYGEN
is very essential to a person's wellbeing and all~
unconditional love
haha
just that humans are by nature selfish
so the word unconditioned is tough to achieve
prolly just show LOVE whenever you have the opportunity!
hha

LOVES!
note: not just abt BGR love man! talking abt PEOPLE LOVE haha
theres always a first in everything!
today [17jan]
was the first time VE sang at esplanade
was the first time [me. ben, nic, shavien] tried to meet the cast of cinderella at the backstage
since they were sharing the same hall area as us!
was the first time we got chased out TWICE!
haha

the experience was wonderful sia!
thou nt our concert and standing at the galleria there
the experience standing there is soooo amazing!
haha
and looking at the soloist, hearing them, watching them on stage
i realised that both of them dont just sing the song
they convey the song
is so natural for them~~~
haha
really pei fu
i want to not just be good in the skills but also convey my message
communicate with the audience!
haha
anyways one of them looks like VANESSA!..and her voice is ! SPEECHLESS
both soloist were really good
and the band was good too!
^^
yeaaaaaaaa

only thing i regretted most
WAS NT BRINGING MY DAMN CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
URGH!
SADDED!

anws we had a lot of free time today haha
super sian
i end up making most of the girls looking like me!
EYELINER of course
and making ben look like me
LOL
how? the hair
haah
super stubborn hair sia
total shld have taken more den 1hr haha
so pekchek
when got photos shall post!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
and took cab home;[ with ben
den he said that today may be the last time mtg
den i was like ya horrr
SADDED
monday last prac
and den exam break sia!
OMG!!
den most seniors gg to grad soon
OMG
SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEDDDDDDD
extremely
really cant bear to have them goooo
sobs

Late at night you call on a phone
We talk about the day,
when you found out he was cheating
You tell me that it hurts to the bone
To trust someone that way,
To find that he was decieving,
And I know I've always just been your friend,
But if you look my way I'll make sure you'll never hurt again

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessy to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you'd only see,
How beautiful you and I would be....endlessly

I remember when you fell in love,I could not believe...
that it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above,
And put my heart away,
So that you could be free,
And I know right now you're broken in two,
But did you know that my heart's been broken since the day I met you

And in my sweetest dream,
You'd learn to put your faith in me...endlessly
Sometimes the thing you need
Is the one thing you can't see
If you put your faith in me...
How beautiful you and I would be

im fat
im ugly in guys' standard of pretty
i have loads of pimples and pimple scars
i have no suitors
nv been in a single relationship for my whole entire 18yrs of life

and i dont deny....

and i fucking hate it
haha
ok bad word

true right?
appearance is important in a world we live in right now
shallow or not
u just have to agree it is the fact
haha
i dont think is shallow to groom self
to want to be gorgeous too
:]

so i shall do it^^
resolution in 2009 sia haa
losing weight is the toughest sia! haha
sadded
nvm! shall gambatte haha

life life life life life
life~!

chill with wei darling!
super happy
first and more to come!
^^
den walked hm frm raffles hall tcc
decided to go pass the gay pub
haha
kinda interesting haa!~
im still tired
haha
want to do so many things
but mentally v tired now
SADDED

anws first wk of MH attachment over le
i seriously enjoy this attachment the most ahah
more meaningful u know haha!
but if working there long term i dont think i can
haha
haha
anws nowadays the whether is sooooooooooo FREAKING COLD!
the wind AIYO i at MH super cold lo!
haha
thou i have a lot of fat layer to insulate
i still vvvv scare to the cold!haha
hai
anws MH attachment
thou alot we cant do..but simply things like meeting their needs, giving them attention, giving them love..thats wat they need the most^^

thou im quite afraid of ppl with OCD
coz aft my exp. la
is quite scary
but i shallnt let it affect my care towards my patient!
haha

ya so i think i cant bear to leave them leh
so cutee
and so lovable haha
^^

anws trying to sort things out with myself
i seriously have
1. pride issues...must learn to be more humble ><
2. fren issue...seems like nth on the surface...but beneath i just cant understand the whole frenship situation...i feel so URGH! but i cant seem to talk it out

URGH!
tired
zzzzz
IM DAMN TIRED!!
omg
faints
i seriously want to go sleep now sia
but cant gotta do hmwork first omg
so tired
and want to study too
SADDED seriously


anyways the past 2 morning shift i was late for work sia
just 1 2 mins late haha
today i woke up and left damn early
and realise the first train starts only at 6am!
waited 23mins ;[
den reach hougang wanted to take cab...saw jolene..try to find cab
NONE! AT ALL!! wth
no choice take bus since come le
den late lo coz the bus comes at 0635am..cant catch the earlier one coz the freaking train starts only at 6! and plus is peak hr..all the students go sch...bus stops at every bus stop sia
SO IRRITATING!!
so late lo..den run lo haha

but attachment is really slack sia
but i really enjoy myself in the MH setting
thou slack alot but is more interactive
coz all aint physically ill..v different haha
had to plan activities for the patients, talk to them, observe them
but the thing abt MH is everyday is an aimless day
thou there is a timetable up on the wall
half the time the patients are just aimlessly walking ard or slping or watching tv
nt mad stay there cfm mad one
den pt with bipolar and OCD, i fear them most...will avoid provoking them
scary~ haha
so just hang out with some really nice ones
quite sad to see afew in
saddens me real bad
;[
anws IMH attachment is one attachment i will nv forget sia
v new exposure and experience
u just want to love the patients more
coz normally social environment is one critical factor that would affect human
dont you agree
?
ok shall do work den zzz
tmr cfm take cab
sianxxxx

ME! look like right? just that the drawen one looks fatter LOL!!!
was drawn by one of my patient! damn good rite!
so happy sia! haha

















HAPPY BIRTHDAY YITIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u rawk man!
loves

Labels: i dreamt i was pregnant

sunday updates first
HAD VE RETREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOTS!!!
well actually ended up playing loads of Wii man!
super funnnnn sia
and many many funny pictures and vid
go facebk to checkout!
YEAAAAA

anws IMH
mmm
had my first day there
the hospital setting is vv different frm the wards that i normally go to
was kinda afraid and worried yet excited and curious
theres this stigmatization about mental patients
i guess i had a little when i went for the attachment
coz is a vv new environment and have no idea wat to expect
haha
the main thing abt this posting is interaction with the patients
plan activities for the patients and engage them in
my ward side the patients are still quite stable
just a v minute number of them must be more careful
most of them v talkative sia
talk and talk and talk
actually i kinda enjoy
coz im oso vvv talkative haha

seriously aft the first day
im kinda changing my mindset towards these patients
hopefully can adapt real fast
only got 2wks sia! haha
and pray my patients will be friendlier and non violent!
haha
oso pei fu the staff there
coz these patients arent physically sick
but cognitively
thus handling all of them is a tough job sia!
haha
imagine all siao siao ppl and only a few staff haha
hetic sia haha
and definately somethings cant be applied to this patients
they reqire a different type of care and attention from us^^

prayerfully i will do a good job
to win them over
and build TNPR
haha!

zzzz
slp early
tmr wake up and revise
today didnt coz went out with cheeshen to bugis!
shop haha
haha
i seriously enjoyed ur company sia haha
^^
IMH ATTACHMENT TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZZOOOMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
scared
haha
hope i will come out sane


updates tmr ! haha
Psalm 139:16 (New Living Translation)
"You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed."

human have insecurities
we simply cant predict how tmr is gg to be, how our future is going to be.
i worry whether will i do well for every sem in poly
i worry whether will i be able to get attached and marry
i worry about my vocals
i worry about my looks, my weight
i worry about ppl's impression
i worry i wont be able to be successful in my career

because i know there will always be someone better than me in what ever i do
i envy ppl who are prettier coz guys will pick them more
i envy ppl who are slim because they get to wear nicer clothes
i envy ppl who can sing better den me coz they make me feel inferior [vocals is all i have haha]
i envy ppl who are smarter den me coz it means i wont be first
i envy ppl who have someone who love them and vice versa but i dont

but all these becomes the foothole for the devil to invade and manipulate
cause we dont realise that even before we are born, our destiny has already been written
how our life will be has already been laid out

i never realise how much emphasis God has placed upon each and every individual's life
that he has created. everyone is a state of art, a clay in the potter's hand, a custom hse that God wants to build
i never see beyond who i am now. well definately i tell myself that i can do it, i can succeed
but never the conviction to be consistent to achieve watever i set out to do.half hearted here and there

even before i finish living this life
a book has already been written about me and my destiny
and where i am gg to be
just that i have yet to have the opportunity to read it
but realising that my whole life has already been laid out the moment i was in God mind
is the most wonderful thing i can hold on to as i approach life

i may still have weaknesses and insecurities
but it doesnt matter to me
because worrying over them would only equal to wasting precious time of my life

another resolution is that i want to stop worrying over everything and learn to put more trust and faith in God.if it is for me den i know it will come to pass eventually

wish everyone would find their security in God
no amount of chains or locks will be able to secure ur insecurities

anws today really had a super svc
i was in awe
woke me up to realise where i am in life and in my r/s with God
but was kind of upset with self for blanking out during fellowship
i didnt eat anything just sat there and stone away
;[ sadded
the worst was i had no idea what was gg on in my mind
as i said i blanked out..was just wondering what i was wondering haha
yea

anws weighted myself just now
for about two weeks i lost 4kgs le!
haha
and my nursing uniform is super loose now
^^
ELATED!DELIGHTED!
haha

Labels: security

haha
went K with nessa jeff and jie
OMG
I SING HORRIBLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
i dont wanna oopen my mouth le
haha
SADDED
seriously haha
CRIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
*till my tears flood the whole earth*
thats how horribly i sang that im so sadded haha

anws had open hse performance again
seriously IT SUCKED!
not our voices [IT WAS GORGEOUS BTW!]
but the venue and audience
CMI
seriously
can just faint there
so degrading ;[
SADDED haha

hai
nvm
was upset the whole dayy
on off on off hha
sadded with fren
supppppeeeeeeeerrrrr SADDED!

SERIOUSLY TELL ME WAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
faints
thks for nessa
i shall be more accepting
yet know when to speak up!
haha
once bitten twice shy

dont give me all ur crap shit and treat me like a rubbish bin
do something with ur life man
get out of ur past
its already 2009!!!!
seriously
WILL TRAIN VOCALS!
and aim towards
singing BEAUTIFUL, HURT by christina
SO SMALL by carrie underwood
BECAUSE OF U by kelly clarkson

all the big vocal songs
yes i can!
crap shit
i wonder when i will thrown away?
scary
haha
humans are so unpredictable
and
scary nature at times

u nv know when a person will walk away frm u
backstab u
treat u like a total stranger


anws aft today! man i tell u
aft listening to 3 people sing
i swear in FEB i will start my VOCAL CLASS with bel!!!
GOD plssss let there be a space for me for class on sundays
i must build up my voice man
im just awestruck haha
i want to sing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE CHRISTINA!
MUHAHAHAH!

ok im gg to write this post randomly no proper sequence
but is all about today

decided to give myself a good body scrub and face scrub
clean clean! and v smooth now haha haha
and conditioned my hair extensions
think shall iron it straight aft it is dry haha
think after having wavy hair and straight hair
i conclude i prefer straight haha
i love my hair so much i prefer it to be neat
now is just plain frizzy
maybe b4 new yr i change again haha!!!!!!
shit stupid addiction haha

anws today i didnt run ard much
thats tmr le haha!
studied for leadership test
had a suuppppeerrr lonnnngggggggggg break in between sia
5hours! haha
so boreddddddd
end up studied finish le
played facebk haha
sleep
studied
go for test
write alot and super messy
hha
as usual ahha
anyhow crap the points [hopefully mr TYT gives marks for it haha]

walked to amk hub waited for daddy for dinner
for abt 2 freaking hours!
[tell you today is a waiting day...ltr got some more waits haha]
walked ard super slowly
took more time to look see look see haha
bought B necklace, anklet and peace ring^^
sms loads of ppl long long sms [typical me and long sms haha and thk God for free smses haha]

go NY NY for dinner
and had to wait again super long queue
den daddy said Wah recession also so many people eat at NYNY haha
ate the usual PENNE ALFREDO WITH ROASTED CHICKEN!
and daddy makaned terriyaki chicken hawaiian style
and WAFFLES WITH ICE CREAM AND HONEY
and TADA there goes my losing wt plan
SOME ONE PLS KILL ME.OR SHOOT ME
thks
so i swore on msn that i will not eat for the rest of the month haha
URGH ;[
*pouts*
so ask why dont i just go running or do some freaking exercise?
well coz im too lazy haha
im only like focusing on eat right...and eating lesser...and eating earlier haha
coz i scared aft i wean off the drug i will rebound back
WHICH I FREAKING DONT WANT! haha
btw i have no idea whether is the drug really working
how come others lose like 6-8kg in one mth
i only loss 4kg
SADDED
haha
ok aft today no more man
gotta be DETERMINE to stop
haa
*so difficult...sadded*
haha

go home
b4 that had to wait again
for daddy to send delivery hha
he said this van he drives brings him kachings haha...send deliveries ma haha
den i replied ya lo..this van brings me kachings so i can spend haha

den on the way hm talked abt my future
coz wanna go maybe australia to further study
den daddy say bring mummy along too
honestly at this point
i really haven consider that yet
i have no absolute idea man haha
but dont wanna reject coz wait ppl think im evil daughter
i love my mummyy...but i dont know
haha
anws den daddy said why not find a doctor and marry la!
den i said no coz dont really wanna marry someone in the same field scope ma
so boring imagine everyday talk mostly abt hospital hospital
boring sia haah
want someone in a different job field haha
den daddy say no la marry doctor good
or at least marry some one very rich. den dont need to work le haha
so was arguing abt it lo
den he said at the end
the main objective for me is to find someone young and very rich to married
den he can have half of the fortune!
LOL
WTH
haha

daddy is funny
ahah
oh wells tmr got open hse
go NYP kays haha

anws PE new pres is so nicee haha
so readily agree to lend us the rms haha
!
HEHE!
u gotta love jazz
because its seductive
haha

anyways
end up today didnt run ard too much hah

saddening
know why
i cant work too well under pressure
instead i love to avoid it
;[
i will be better^^
stress management
haha
just needed a ear to listen and understand

thks a lot nessa darl and mr chong^^
appreciated!!

just somethings cant be done last minute
coz u never know that other things may pile up on top at the last min
haha

tats life
and it always happen to me!
haha
nvm

and i really cant expect anything from u izzit?
slight disappointment
nt ur fault
maybe
haha
sadded hhaa

nvm
zzzzz
tmr i need energy
haha!
somethings i dont understand
but i just play along
dont really wanna argue abt anything now haha

love is such a weird thing
is love really blind??
seems so
haha
is just so amazing what love can do haha

such a shame
its just a pretty face

URGH! SO TIRED TODAY HAHA
spend half the day doing CPR! hha
;[
at least pass le
BUT! me and ping FORGOT TO SIGN! that we pass!!!!!!!!!!
OMGGGGG
at least ms leong also us to sign tmr!
;[ ;[ ;[

got leadership skills test TMR
and i haven started at all
wow
cannot fail man!!!!

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